Intern Wanted: No Experience Necessary

On this last day of summer, I thought this re-post from last summer would make all my mommy readers laugh a little. . .

Intern Wanted to assist in all domestic and child rearing responsibilities.

• Duties include changing poopy and wet diapers, cleaning of Diaper Genie, wiping runny noses and seepy eyes.  Administering all medication as need with occasional mild force.(See below)

• Ability to effectively manage and punish unruly children is a requirement, although no use of excessive force is permitted by State and Federal Laws. One must master such infective forms of control such as "Time Out" and sayings such as "it hurts my feelings when you throw large plastic trucks and Barbie's at my head."

• Children will  nap at appropriate times. Your time will be spent scrubbing showers with Tilex. (There is no conclusive evidence that there is permanent respiratory damage). Please limit exposure to no more than 20 minutes at a time. Just in Case.

• Daily vacuuming,  dusting, collecting of toys from small vents and uneven surfaces, dishes, and windexing of handprints and jelly smudges is a must.

• You will run 3 to 5 loads of laundry a day. You will fold 6.

• Intern will be expected to remain in the kitchen at all times. Healthy and nutritious meals must be provided at least three to five times a day.  Snack's must be readily available all day. You may not help yourself to the food. Should this happen,  you will gain an unfair amount of weight that you will not be able to lose for several years. This is discouraged by Blue Cross Blue Shield.

• There is limited exposure to the all forms of media other than the internet. Please limit yourself to no more than 10, 2 minute sessions. Television is to be left on Nick Jr.

• Please do not expect any reassurance or positive feedback. Once you prove yourself, in 18 or 20 years, you will be appreciated.

• You will work 20 hour days for unknown amounts of time. Vacations are only deemed necessary before emotional breakdowns.

• Finally, This is an unpaid position.

Sincerely,

Taylor C. Presson

Sheriff around these parts.

Interested Partys should contact www.sweethomecharlotte.net

I saw an ad for a Cool Design Intern this morning and thought I needed one as well. . .  GENIUS!!!

Charlotte Smarty Pants liked my blog so much that they posted it on their site. Check it out at:

http://www.charlottesmartypants.com/2011/09/intern-wanted/

The Proof is in the Angel

Not a day goes by that I do not worry that I have not done a good job in the mommy department. Good enough I always think to myself as I wonder who brushed Coopers teeth last?  Was it Sadie that had a bath yesterday or was it the other way around?  My good friends say that I am too hard on myself, that I short change the work that I do. But I am sceptical that they just love the "mommy" that they see, not the "mommy" that struggles with structure and discipline and well, with  most everything else.

Try not to judge me when I tell you that I am not a "natural" mother . By this I mean that I am not a "nurse," a "cook" or even a "sympathizer." I am a "fend for yourself" and "get your butt of the floor" kind of person who expects a lot, probably too much from my family. Sadly, I expect that much from myself as well.

Bring on my oldest little love,  Sadie Bug. A highly explosive, little ball of strong-willed, smart as a whip, energy that swirls and skips and mostly flips her way around our house. A constant work in progress, I would say. She wants me to have five baby's and is mad at me that we only gave her Cooper. I tell her that I can not wait to be the grandmother to her many grandbabys, but that we are a complete family and we leave it at that. She mothers everyone else's baby's as if they were her own.

On the morning of our church's recent epiphany pageant, Sadie (an angel) ran exhuberantly through the house declaring that "we were going to be late for HER pageant."  No recognition of a little baby named Jesus, nope this was her party. Later as all of the angels were dressed and lined up in the hallway, it was brought to my attention that Mary did not have angel wings and was refusing to leave the dressing room. After realizing that the Virgin Mary was were she was supposed be, I went down to the choir room to discover a very tiny little girl huddled in the corner, crying. Her name was Mary and as her warm, wet, salty tears hit my shoulder, she sobbed that she couldn't be an angel without wings. There were no more wings in the dressing room, they had all been handed out. As I carried her upstairs, I knew that we were going to ask Sadie for her wings and I knew that she would happily give them to this sweet little girl. I knew that my little one was so full of self-confidence that she didn't care what she wore and I was right. I had barely explained Mary's tears when Sadie reached behind her costume and produced her own wings.

That day Sadie went onstage with only a halo. She was gracious and kind and I cried for two days with joy. She is a wonderful, sweet, kind and occasionally an extremely feisty little girl, who is one day going to take this crazy world by the horns and do something really great. All our little one's are great, we just have to take a moment to see it sometimes and then tell them that they are great and then they will be.

Cheers,

Tay

Mommy's Are The Real Santa's Elves

*Future Elf

Tis the Season. . . ready, set, sprint!!!. One Christmas Tree up. Ornaments, half up. Stockings, up. Wreath, I am still working on that part. Two presents under the tree and 22 Day's left to go....my heart is racing just typing this. To that point, I shouldnt be writing, I have too much left to do!

Or maybe I should do what I know that I wont, which is sit down and burn a holiday candle and just relax and enjoy the holidays.That's what sweet Scotty would tell me to do. Scotty that gets up and goes to work everyday to provide for our family. The real life Santa . .And what am I? I am an economic simulator, a christmas time spender, a financial drain and I am one of Santa's many elves. Only Scrooge would be mean enough to care about something as trivial as money at Christmas. Not one to ever be confused with such a person, I will knowingly drain most of every paycheck until my Christmas work here is done. I will not sit down (at least during school hours) until the day after.

Just watch any Christmas movie with an Elf involved and you will not see one Elf napping, relaxing or checking email. Elves run a hundred miles an hour around a workshop (or the mall) to provide toys to all the boys and girls. As such, I will pack, wrap and ship, toys and presents to as many of my friends and family as I possibly can. I will assemble toys with 1,000 pieces and directions written in Chinese. My fingers will bleed from the paper cuts and my back will kill from being hunched over. I will make midnight runs to Target for more wrapping paper and last-minute dollar items for the stockings. I will agonize over what type of cookies we should leave out for Santa, and if Rudolph like carrots or not.

I will concentrate greatly on keeping my "Santa Tales" straight and pray that I don't make even one small mistake. That at least for now, I am still smarter than my darling, sweet and crafty daughter. I am not alone, only one of an almost infinite number of other elves working together to ensure our children have a special Christmas Day. See most importantly, all Mommy's are Santa's elves. We are responsible for spreading the Christmas spirit and for continuing to pass down the traditions of this holiday for generations to come. We will bring our family together to celebrate the birth of our most important family member, Jesus Christ. And for that I think Santa would be proud.

Cheers,

Tay

The End of an Era: Taking Down the Nursery

Last weekend, while I was getting some really good family time with my sister, Mama and my Aunt Sarah, a moving truck came to my house and stole part of my heart. Well not really stole it . . .but it feels that way more than a little. My sister Ashley's baby is getting our nursery set, I promised and I delivered. In the bottom of my heart I know that it belongs with her and my new nephew and I could not be more excited. So why is my heart still breaking almost a week later?

The very small, but still present, rational side of my brain, knows that Cooper had to move into a bigger room. It also knows that a crib, in my attic, is doing it absolutely no justice at all. I thought I would feel better once we painted his new room, or after I moved his books and trucks into his new bookshelf this afternoon. . .but I don't feel better. I just had a good cry. Again.

So I decided to create Cooper's baby box, which I did for Sadie when she was a year old, and I have been procrastinating doing with Cooper for an addition 20 months. Yes, all his baby stuff has been in his room for his entire life. Lock of hair. Check. Porcelain handprints. Check, Check. Teething toys. Still there. Pappy and Fuzz. . . ever-present. And it is as I type this blog that I realize it is not the loss of his nursery that is breaking my heart. It is realizing that this is the end of the "baby era" of my last little baby.

How could I be so far removed from my emotions? I am generally more than on top of them. Have I really been in denial of my little one's age? Were his growing limbs, feet and hair not a sign to me? His ability to verbally communicate in way a mother wishes a baby could? Hello, WHERE ON EARTH HAVE I BEEN? And while I know that we will enjoy this stage of his life, just as I have enjoyed his sister's change into her elementary years, I also realize that I will never again get the opportunity to smell my own childs "baby smells" and to be the sole interest in my baby's life.

Coop's is not a baby anymore, he is a solid toddler and I am going to morn that for a little longer. And after that, I am going to embrace this toddler stage and not complain any more. . .well until he goes to Kindergarten. In diapers.

Cheers,

Tay

In the Immediate Future

Sometime in February, when we were on parental cruise control, I thought it would be a GREAT idea to keep my wonderful and well-behaved children at home with me this summer. The bohemian life I always wanted, the last summer before I have to answer to CMS and it's thousands of rules and regulations; a summer straight out of a children book. You see where I am going with this, of course. . . .

Ha! This summer has kicked my butt! I mean, my kids and I have done everything there is to do around this town, and they are still B-O-R-E-D!! I am not bored, my to-do list is ridiculous! And while I have been toting my kids to and fro, my house feels like it is crumbling down on me! I have lost the little control I was able to maintain, and my summer of leisure has turned into a summer of chaos!

Tomorrow morning at 7:45, Sadie Bug goes to Kindergarten, but tonight I am dreaming of the future. The future of me that is. . .

Here is the  top 10 things I will do immediately:

10. I will clean out my attic and my closets and donate and gift what we do not need. I will call a dumpster service for the rest.

9. I will write the 1,000 thank you notes I owe everyone from summer birthdays! I am the rudest person alive and I am sorry about that.

8. I will go to the Mint Museum Uptown and actually leave the children's area.

7. I will go to Trader Joe's and Harris Teeter and purchase real food.  I will give up my pool snack bar addiction.

6.  I will call all of my friends and family and have an actual conversation with them that does not include begging and pleading for silence . The call will last longer than 2 minutes.

5. I will plan a weekday visit to our favorite live music venue The Fillmore, and I will stay up way to late.

4. I will call my tennis pro and beg him for forgiveness and plead with him that he fix my backhand.  Oh, and I will use the new, super cool, tennis racquet my mother gave me for my birthday. (*Mom, see #9!)

3.  I will start reading the newspaper again. For better or worse.

2. I will download music and create playlists that do not start with "The Wheels on the Bus!" I will listen to the music through out the day, creating a calm and happy environment for myself.

1. I will spend quality time with my man Scotty! I will have lunch with him once a week and we will NOT talk about the children! I may even make him dinner.

The above will undoubtedly make me the best, happiest, most rested, well-rounded mommy and wife in the universe!

Until next Summer!!!

Cheers,

Tay

Intern Wanted: No Experience Necessary

Intern Wanted to assist in all domestic and child rearing responsibilities.

• Duties include changing poopy and wet diapers, cleaning of Diaper Genie, wiping runny noses and seepy eyes.  Administering all medication as need with occasional mild force.(See below)

• Ability to effectively manage and punish unruly children is a requirement, although no use of excessive force is permitted by State and Federal Laws. One must master such infective forms of control such as "Time Out" and sayings such as "it hurts my feelings when you throw large plastic trucks and Barbie's at my head."

• Children will  nap at appropriate times. Your time will be spent scrubbing showers with Tilex. (There is no conclusive evidence that there is permanent respiratory damage). Please limit exposure to no more than 20 minutes at a time. Just in Case.

• Daily vacuuming,  dusting, collecting of toys from small vents and uneven surfaces, dishes, and windexing of handprints and jelly smudges is a must.

• You will run 3 to 5 loads of laundry a day. You will fold 6.

• Intern will be expected to remain in the kitchen at all times. Healthy and nutritious meals must be provided at least three to five times a day.  Snack's must be readily available all day. You may not help yourself to the food. Should this happen,  you will gain an unfair amount of weight that you will not be able to lose for several years. This is discouraged by Blue Cross Blue Shield.

• There is limited exposure to the all forms of media other than the internet. Please limit yourself to no more than 10, 2 minute sessions. Television is to be left on Nick Jr.

• Please do not expect any reassurance or positive feedback. Once you prove yourself, in 18 or 20 years, you will be appreciated.

• You will work 20 hour days for unknown amounts of time. Vacations are only deemed necessary before emotional breakdowns.

• Finally, This is an unpaid position.

Sincerely,

Taylor C. Presson

Sheriff around these parts.

Interested Partys should contact www.sweethomecharlotte.net

I saw an ad for a Cool Design Intern this morning and thought I needed one as well. . .  GENIUS!!!

Charlotte Smarty Pants liked my blog so much that they posted it on their site. Check it out at:

http://www.charlottesmartypants.com/2011/09/intern-wanted/

The Center of The Sun

Our house sits in  the CENTER OF THE SUN!! Or at least that's how I describe it to every landscaper and gardener that has ever worked on our yard. I mean NOTHING can grow. . .

On winter days, when the rest of the neighborhood is buried under sheets of slush and ice, our home is as warm as it is in August. It is like there is a large, tree sized, hairdryer pointed straight at our porch. . snow melts as soon as it lands, and sadly most flowers will scorch before they ever even had a chance. . . ughhh, how I wish I could keep my planters full of lush, cascading flowers and ivy...Can you imagine that I used to try and keep window boxes alive!

So last Saturday, I rolled over to our neighborhood Lowes Garden Center to nicely explain that I needed several plants that could grow in the desert. A very nice women with a name resembling Laura (who I am sure thought I was exaggerating) helped me come up with a couple of options.

Before I trapped this nice women into helping me, I discovered on my own this awesome tall, curling, Maiden Grass, that I knew I had to have!!! So I told Laura I wanted to start with the grass and she said it could grow to 6 feet tall and maybe I should pick something else,. . . so I told her. . . well, it might not make it that long, so not to worry!

Laura then helped me pick this cool merlot colored, leafy, Queen Victoria Lobelia that will add a medium height variation that I have learned I need. (Is this a sign there is hope for my future?) We grabbed a couple of Trailing Annuals, that seem more like succulents if you ask me, and are supposed to cascade over the planters.

While Cooper was napping, Sadie and I got to work!

Planter Before:

Planter After

Not bad for the desert??

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Cheers,

Tay

Atherton Market: An Urban Mommy's Dream

If you havent been you should, or that's what everyone kept telling me before I went. I mean, there are ton's of markets in town, impossible to hit them all. . . .right??? Oh so wrong. . . Atherton Market is an urban mommy's dream! 

I took the kids on Wednesday, which is a slow day for them. . . A GREAT day to take the kids and stock up on basic grocery's before the weekend.  Sadie and I fell in love with the cheeses at Simply Local.  For $4 each we scored the small size of New Moon brie from Chapel Hill Creamery and the Goat Lady Diary's Grapevine Ash. . . .delicious!! Paired them with local bakery Polka Dot's Sweat Potato and Rosemary Crisps and  went to heaven early!!


We had such a great time, I took Scotty and the kids back on Saturday morning. This time while we shopped, we checked Sadie in to the SUPER SAFE, air-conditioned, glassed in, FREE, childwatch area for a half hour of supper fun arts and crafts. 

First Stop: Local South End shop Vin Master's wine tasting. For $14 we scored a liter of red 2009 Austrian table wine from Zum Martin Sepp. Like Pinot Noir but lighter and a bit spicier. So cool, it was closed with a beer bottle top.  Thank you!

Second Stop: Pam Mahaffey's home-made soy candles!! Instantly brighten your mood with a $7 lemongrass candle. Smells even more amazing in my kitchen than actual food! For that price, I can burn it all day. . .and when I need a new one, she recycles the containers and the refill's are just $6. . . .Sweet!!!

* Invited my neighbor Karen over to enjoy the goodies with me and had a great afternoon!

On the way out Scott and Cooper grabbed a cantaloupe shaved ice, but I am not sure from where. . .so good I forgot it was healthy!

The best part of the day was signing up for the Fair Farm Bill in support of local farmers! Go to www.foodandwaterwatch.org/fairfarmbill to sign the petition and keep our farmers going strong!

*Sadie wrote this herself!

Shop Local, Eat Fresh!!!

Cheers,

Tay

Atherton Market is located in Historic Southend in Charlotte, NC. It is open Tuesday through Saturday's with limited hours. Like them on Facebook for more information or check their website:

out http://www.edensandavant.com/oc_center_detail.asp?cid=1001

**Make sure to bring cash, I could have done a lot more damage but the ATM was out-of-order and only a couple of vendors take credit cards.