Sunday, August 26, 2012

Intern Wanted: No Experience Necessary

On this last day of summer, I thought this re-post from last summer would make all my mommy readers laugh a little. . .

Intern Wanted to assist in all domestic and child rearing responsibilities.

  • Duties include changing poopy and wet diapers, cleaning of Diaper Genie, wiping runny noses and seepy eyes.  Administering all medication as need with occasional mild force.(See below)

  • Ability to effectively manage and punish unruly children is a requirement, although no use of excessive force is permitted by State and Federal Laws. One must master such infective forms of control such as "Time Out" and sayings such as "it hurts my feelings when you throw large plastic trucks and Barbie's at my head."

  • Children will  nap at appropriate times. Your time will be spent scrubbing showers with Tilex. (There is no conclusive evidence that there is permanent respiratory damage). Please limit exposure to no more than 20 minutes at a time. Just in Case.

  • Daily vacuuming,  dusting, collecting of toys from small vents and uneven surfaces, dishes, and windexing of handprints and jelly smudges is a must.

  • You will run 3 to 5 loads of laundry a day. You will fold 6.

  • Intern will be expected to remain in the kitchen at all times. Healthy and nutritious meals must be provided at least three to five times a day.  Snack's must be readily available all day. You may not help yourself to the food. Should this happen,  you will gain an unfair amount of weight that you will not be able to lose for several years. This is discouraged by Blue Cross Blue Shield.

  • There is limited exposure to the all forms of media other than the internet. Please limit yourself to no more than 10, 2 minute sessions. Television is to be left on Nick Jr.

  • Please do not expect any reassurance or positive feedback. Once you prove yourself, in 18 or 20 years, you will be appreciated.

  • You will work 20 hour days for unknown amounts of time. Vacations are only deemed necessary before emotional breakdowns.

  • Finally, This is an unpaid position.


Taylor C. Presson

Sheriff around these parts.

Interested Partys should contact

I saw an ad for a Cool Design Intern this morning and thought I needed one as well. . .  GENIUS!!!

Charlotte Smarty Pants liked my blog so much that they posted it on their site. Check it out at:

1 comment:

  1. Taylor, Can I please copy your "intern wanted" post and make it a guest blog for Charlotte Smarty Pants authored by you? Pretty please? It's hilarious!!!!!! ~ Susan Bowman